37 days until the start of finals. 39 days until the end of finals. 41 days until I fly out of Beijing and into Chicago/Newark. (Thank you time zones for allowing me to fly out of China and Land in the US on, technically, the same day.) These numbers, which thankfully get smaller with each passing day, are the bulk of the conversations that I have with people nowadays.
It seems sad that at this point what is characterizing my experience in China is the extreme desire to be home. Every day it feels like a struggle to get out the door each day and deal with the things that make me not like this place. And the fact that as a foreigner it is entirely impossible to assimilate into the culture and way of life here, not just because it is completely foreign but because the people have the inability to allow non-Chinese people to fully experience China, it makes it hard to adjust to life in China. The fact is I don't really like Harbin and I'm completely unapologetic about it.
I feel as though if I were in a different city in China and in a different capacity it would be a very different experience. Of course I chose my first China experience to be that of a Chinese student deep in dongbei (northeast/ghetto) China at an intensive language program. And that has scarred my experience here. But I try to keep an open mind and recognize that when I come back to China it will be a good experience. But at this point I just want to be home.
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